Go Left

Getting ready for work this morning, I slipped on a familiar pair of pants. Hmph…tighter than I remembered.

The side zipper biting into my fleshy hip. I take a few steps, shake out my legs… trying to decide if I can tolerate 9 hours with the pinch….Undecided….Shruggingly rationalizing that maybe they will get looser as the day goes on….Sliding a sweater over my tresses, I glance at my reflection.

Muffin top….

Not.gonna.work….I flip through the hangers with a bit more force than necessary to find a slightly roomer version… without the pinch.

One more look….Turning to the left, then the right.

WHAT THE HELL? My sweater, which I’ve  decided at this VERY moment is my favorite, has a spot on the sleeve….not a little spot either.  Surely it wasn’t there the last time I wore it. I wouldn’t have wasted the energy to wash, dry and hang…damn the wasted energy!

Frustrated…feeling like I must have gained five pounds JUST this weekend…. and THIS is why my clothes shrunk…and has stains.

I’m mad…mad at my weekend food choices….chocolate drizzled popcorn…wine…cheese…Oh to HELL with the Mexican deliciousness!

I toss the sweater in the trash. Heading back into the black hole that is my closet, it  has now consumed my daily dose of self esteem. I don’t even care at this point. Wherever my hands land, that is what I’m going with.

I forgo cute shoes for flats…the right toe slightly chewed by the Damn Daisy Dog. WHATEVER, that is how I feel at this point.

BLAH…

Spilling my coffee…dropping my phone…and my book…using fumes left in my tank to get the car on the road.

I listen to music in an attempt to sooth the angry spirit now roaming inside. It is looking for any little trigger to sink it’s teeth…I mouth the lyrics without much energy. Drinking the last of my  coffee, the heat long gone from the 45 minute ride.

Traffic is unusually light.

I glance at the clock, noting that  I’m actually a little early. Fishing my sunglasses from the bottom of my purse, I look around at the other cars rushing around me. I wonder if they are running late…or are they early too?

And…out of no where the fog lifts.

Of course my belly is rounder than it used to be….

I have never known the feeling of hunger. I have enough.

My tummy isn’t as toned and etched as it once was in my twenties….I’ve lived a couple extra decades…happily.

This abdomen stretched to hold two healthy miracles to full term, a decade apart. They changed the world for the better. They are my greatest gift.

It is softer, wider, lived in….

  I’m blessed. I am thankful.

No complaints. Just gratitude.

Perspective changes everything.

Tags: blessing, frustrated, pregnancy, Thankful, weight