Archive | July, 2014

Dressed for Success??

28 Jul

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  I’ve heard that as you age you quit giving two cents about the silly things….

Periodically, I make up “life rules” to help make sense of and organize the craziness in my head. One tried and trusty one is “once I’m in, I’m in.” Which translates to once I’m in my home, I’m not going back out, unless the house is on fire…

I came home tonight and did what I always do. I made a beeline for my bedroom and changed into my comfy, well-worn sweats and a tank. (It is 105 outside but the inside of my house is a meat locker, thanks to Mr.K .)

Much to my dismay, I realized that a grocery store run was necessary to prevent a lunch preparation meltdown in the morning. I mean whatevvvaaa would my kid do without a sandwich AND ten snacks for lunch at summer camp???

….hmmmph….

Muling my options for about twenty minutes, it was simply unavoidable…I had to go…and I was going as is, damn it…NO way was I going to the store AND changing back into real clothes….. I mean, I live in a tiny little town and who is going to see me any way, I rationalized?

Apparently two of my co-workers – THAT  is who! Male and female….

I have a reputation….I like heels. I like makeup. I like to dress up….Simply put, I like being a girl. It isn’t a chore for me. It is a part of me. I feel my absolute best when I’m all put together.

Tonight?  Not so much….my hair was pulled messily in a half pony, half not…makeup all but gone from the 105 temps earlier in the day..sloppiness slopping out of every pore…..and I don’t care…or at least that is what I said when I walked out of my house…

First, from a distance I hear, “H, how was YOUR day today?” Assuming…I’m guessing… that I was wrangling bulls, given my appearance. I managed a quick smile,  half a wave, pushing my cart with all my might to the produce section…

Where my fashionable, cutie -putie co-worker caught me browsing the organics. “H, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in sweats.” ….

I responded with a flushed face and absent minded response…. “These are my pajammas.” …

HELLLLLOOO!! Wake up Call!!

What grown lady goes to Publix in her PJ’s on a Monday at 6pm!

Trying my best to escape anyone else who may loud-out my laziness, I start lobbing food from my cart..chocolate chips, chocolate chip cookies, Italian cream cake…three types of cheese….I glance up to make sure I’m not hitting anyone with flying food….

Who do I see? One of my favorite size 0 (–YES ZERO–) gym rats. She says, “I’m going to your house!” as she points to the conveyor belt full of crap-ola…

All I can do is hang my head and chuckle “I’m so busted tonight. Great.”

In the safety of my newly restocked kitchen, I start defending myself to Mr.K who is bewildered that I went out of the house as is….

“They say as you get older you don’t care about the silly stuff. I’m a grandma now…I can go out in curlers and slippers, If I WANT to, rightttt???”

…. Oh well, at least I was wearing a bra….

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Gifts of the heart

19 Jul

Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind kindness quote

The kindness received this week left me feeling humbled, special, loved.

If I’m honest with you, I like to be the giver.  I’m comfortable in that roomy over-stuffed arm chair.  I believe in the pit of my being that it is our duty to help other people along their journey, in what ever way you can, at any given moment. When I am the giver, I’m empowered to complete this mission.

Random strangers often engage in conversation with me.  It happened just yesterday as we were walking from the parking lot into a restaurant for dinner.  The lady was older and appeared to have nervous energy. She told me she was there to celebrate her brother’s birthday.  With in 30 seconds, she also pointed out that she had some how smeared make up on her navy blue dress, rubbing it feverishly with her thumb.  I smiled and said, “Well you still look beautiful.”  It was enough for her to return the smile, chuckle a bit, and I believe, stand a tad taller.

My husband is always amazed at what perfect strangers will say to me….Over the years, I’ve come to cherish  these exchanges.  My curiosity dances and I can’t wait for the conversation to unfold, looking for moments to slip in words of encouragement, for the opportunity to be kind, to help them along today’s journey.

So when I was on the receiving end of kindness this week, I questioned why I  felt humbled.  Yes, yes, I felt abundantly loved and special. I grinned from ear to ear. However in the stillness, humbled kept rising to the top, knocking on the door of my spirit.

The voices in my head kept saying, “You mean I was important enough for you to think about on your trip? To share your high dollar (and sinfully delicious) French cookies with? To receive a gift from the heart from a man whose eyes danced in the  joy in the giving?”    Why me? What did I do to deserve such blessings this week?

While giving is a core value,  I often hold myself to a double standard when it comes to receiving.  I must EARN kindness, must DO something to be liked, to be loved….< Side note to myself – Oh, I have work to do here ! >

In reflection, I realized when you are  always the giver, it can feel like a position of power.  You see, deep down, whether you’ve acknowledged it or not, you feel you don’t NEED any thing, any one. ….There is a little pride mixed in there.

…Interesting….Because that is not who I want to be.

I’m learning. I’m growing.  Leaning into those things that make me uncomfortable, scraping off the dead layers to reveal the new.

Learning to give AND receive.

 

 

 

kindness quotes | Scatter Kindness Wall Quote

 

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Trust Your Intuition

15 Jul

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Letter to Ashley

12 Jul

Dear sweet beautiful Ashley,

I saw it in your big brown eyes. Heard it in the tremble of your voice.  The residual pain lingered on the surface  from when someone unknowingly spewed judgement over your life.  Those words that insinuated that your choices didn’t line up with their view.  At that moment the world stopped for me. The air evaporated from the room. My stomach twisted and was tense…I didn’t respond the way I wanted to.  I have a hard time processing hate on the fly.

It has been on my heart and on my mind ever since.

I don’t want ANY young lady, who chooses to give life, to feel like she doesn’t live up to some invisible standard. Especially one whom I adore and love.

I believe with all my heart that God blesses those who make hard choices that line up with his word.  I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.

When I look back at all those people who insisted they were doing it “right”, I shake my head.  I wouldn’t want their shoes for anything in the world.

I’ve watched you with the princess.  You are going to be amazing at this mom thing!  Don’t let anyone tarnish your sparkle.  Shut out that judgmental nonsense.  “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”  – Job 23:10.

You have so much love to give.  I promise you,  God doesn’t make mistakes!

With all my heart I shout to the world that we are so proud of you! I pray abundant blessings over your life.  I can’t wait to watch you grow and watch God work in your life.

Good things are coming! Hold on tight! This is going to be a beautiful bumpy road.

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Rolla’ Coasta of love

9 Jul

This rolla’ coasta  I’m on feels pretty damn good right about now.  When I’m at the tip top, I can see for miles. Smiling as wide as my mouth will allow, eyes ablaze. I feel alive, invincible, capable of virtually anything .  I seriously can’t get much higher. My soul wants to leap out of my chest. Surely I have happiness dripping out of my pores.  Someone really should find a way to bottle this stuff and sell it. It would be worth a fortune. Roller Coaster, Magelibanen, Norway. What a beautiful view from the roller coaster! I'm in! :) Because before you know it, here comes a dip…or a drop…a big dip / drop… valley.

Since I boarded this thrill ride  last week, I’ve had lots of  “opportunities”  to be offended.   Each threatening to end my rolla’ coaster of happiness way to soon.

Just this weekend after a seriously BIG opportunity,  I said to my husband in my high pitched, yet stern tone, “HONEYYYY! My redneck side is about to come out!”

His response?  “Tuck it back in, babe.”

I rolled laughing. Literally.  Rolled laughing.

It was the BEST thing he has EVER said to me.

That laughter was enough to allow my car to coast out of the dip and soar to yet another high, unbelievably higher than the last…  Once again I was at the peak, swinging my dangling legs , relishing my new found height.   I summoned up the courage to open one eye and look around. I really didn’t want to though…Fear was riding shotgun.

(One eye always helps when fear has taken hold of your heart.  Two eyes are just to much to handle in times like these.)

This place, this peak, felt so good. Like crazy, head over heels, exquisitely deliciously good.  I was afraid to lose it.  Afraid to let even an ounce slip through my fingers. I was desperately holding on for dear life with all that I had. More than anything, I wanted to be here…forever.  To make this peak my new home.

Now with both eyes open, sadly, I  knew it just wasn’t  possible.

Why? Because life is about the peaks AND the valleys. If it were not for the valleys, we would never know how awesome it feels when to hit the peak! Roller coaster face- this made me laugh. Poor baby Really…

Really, it is about OUR (read here -> MY) attitude in the valley.

Choosing to keep your redneck tucked in until you can coast to the next peak.  Using your opportunities to grow to new heights instead of allowing them to bring you down deeper into the valley.

Don’t let a thief steal your joy. We all know they are not worth it.

Half the time THEY know they aren’t worth it.

Poor pitiful souls. Relationship Quotes--Become a Love Magnet with "52 Romantic Things To Do" LOVE  LIGHT 2 YOUR SOULS

The bumpy road to happiness

6 Jul

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I shut down my blog a few months ago.  Something was weighing heavy on my heart. I knew if I spoke, I would let it all tumble out.  I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to hear the judgment that circles the lips of those around me.

You see, I’ve been down this bumpy road before. When I was about 16, I gave birth to the little boy that saved me from myself.  He is simply the best thing that has ever happened in my life.  Yet, many around me felt compelled to voice their opinion, to question my choices…It was rarely positive or up lifting.

Oh, I get it. Trust me. I know I was just a baby myself!  I knew I made a choices that separated me from the crowd.  However, I was already on the road. Their advice at that point didn’t serve a purpose.

Unfortunately I soaked in way to much of that poison.  I allowed those words to linger to long, to transform the way I thought about myself.  It took years for me to shake that old coat.

 

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And now…Now my son, who is 22, just had a baby of his own.  She is precious and perfect and beautiful. She holds every ounce of my heart.  I love her…I adore her.  I can’t get enough of her.

As I was holding this perfect bundle of joy today, I wondered why I ever let the “haters” silence my voice…AGAIN….

I’m back on the bumpy road… but I’m older, smarter…more confident.  I’m a fierce, confident, kick ass  momma lion.  I won’t allow, won’t tolerate, won’t participate in the negativity. Our family is beyond happy…over the moon happy.  You simply can’t imagine how happy.

You see, we know all to well that there are far worse things in the world than having someone new to love.

I don’t know how I got so lucky to have so much love in my life, but I’ll take it.

Even if our road is different, slightly bumpy and unnavigated…I’m a bit of an explorer.    I tend to make my own road…and make it beautiful.

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