Driving into work, I realized that I only told half the story with my last post. The rest is harder to admit, but likely more important.
You see, when my cousins burst into my grandmother’s room, tear stained and gasping between sobs, a piece of my nine year old self felt they fully deserved the tongue lashing they were dealt.
Admittedly, a large piece.
Sure, my grandfather was over the top angry…..at the sound of children playing…. It would also be reasonable to believe he had been drinking… Was he harsh? YES!
But I couldn’t understand how no one in the room could miss that volcano erupting.
I saw it a mile away…and I ran.
and….Over time, with repetition of the same story on a different day… a belief system was born…
Although there are variations, it goes something like this:
My behavior good or bad is responsible for how others respond or react to me. If I was “good enough” they would play nice. Simply put, they were not responsible for their outbursts, I was….Because I should have been better. Should have seen it coming…If only I had paid more attention, reeled myself in….Squished all my parts into that t.i.n.y. little box….
And… then there are the bears…
There was a time when my two story home with the white picket fence was located smack dab in the middle of a bear preserve…everywhere…as far as you could see..over populated.. Bouncing like a pin-ball from the belly of one energy draining bear to another. In anger, bearing their teeth and slashing the air with their mammoth claws…Exhausted, I ran….
Dragging my baggage behind me, I searched for a new place to lay my head. One less chaotic. Less noisy…more.. me.
Rebuilding from the ground up has been hard…painful, even…Standing toe to toe with the past is never simple. Yet I’m in it…neck deep.
I know it is necessary for the abundant life I’m destined…and determined… to live.
So here is a **News Flash** friends…
I’m not responsible for anyone’s behavior….and neither are you. (good or bad)
Let that sink in for a minute.
You can’t make someone mad, angry, or act a certain way. It is ALWAYS THEIR CHOICE.
You are (I am) solely responsible for our own actions — and nothing more.
Now go forth and prosper….
Take full and complete responsibility for yourself
….and avoid those damn bears.
They are rampant….but not necessary.
As an adult, you get to chose.