Tag Archives: friendships

#Epic.FAIL….

5 Apr

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SOooooo, I was being just a tad bit nosy last week…cyber stalking a former friend’s page….a little Face Book voyeurism, if you will…
Don’t judge! You know you’ve done it too!
Truth is, I miss her.  She is hysterically funny, loyal and just fun to be around.
She is also pushy, controlling and demanding.
We ALL have our issues, don’t we?
However,  for the latter reasons, and the seeping of such into my world, I decided to end our friendship.  
We broke up.
Truth is, I changed. She didn’t.
Don’t get it twisted though, she didn’t need to change.
She is perfect just the way she is.  Just not a perfect fit into my life.
Through a painful period of self analysis, I realized boundaries were lacking in many of my relationships.  Internally, was bleeding….carving myself up every time I fed the need to please addiction raging under the surface.
Something…had…to…change.
I HAD to change.
Truth is, I needed some time to focus on me….on my marriage….on the boundary lines that had eroded over decades until I no longer recognized myself when I looked in the mirror…only the pencil outline remained of a  perfect mom, of a perfect wife….striving to be even more perfect with every breath.
Truth is, I only had room for one other human on my tattered, old boat. It was setting sail…Pushing away from the dock, I wasn’t even sure it would float with the additional weight. It was already taking on water, puddling and pruning my toes. In the days that followed, we fought for ground through ragging  storms, through silent nights….at times our arms flailing wildly, threatening to capsize the boat.
There were days that I thought we’d die on the water…someone would find our boat floating, empty and lifeless.  Would they even know we were there?  Would our bones remain with the memories? Would they say a prayer for a marriage lost?
Motor less, we had to learn to paddle in sync to make it to shore…. slowly at first… Then suddenly, the water calmed. The sun a little less harsh….we found a bit of comfort in the space…some peace…able to raise our heads and recognize beauty in the small gestures.
Soooo, when I received a notification that my former friend accepted my Facebook friend request…I was stunned. I hadn’t sent it…or at least I didn’t MEAN to send it….
Epic.F-A-I-L.
 
I fessed up through email …acknowledging my nosiness…

A spade is a spade….an embarrassing spade this was, indeed…

I didn’t want to un-friend her….left it up to her to decide how to move forward. In retrospect, maybe that wasn’t fair….
I honestly didn’t want to inflict more pain….and secretly I was hoping that one day, through the slow erosion of the defensive walls we built for self protection, we would be able to find friendship again.
What followed was a bit out of a high school text book…Social media brings out the inner teenager, doesn’t it? I was mistaken to believe we could co-exist without issue. There is still to much pain…to much heartache….
Truth is, she is entitled to feel the way she does…just as I am.
These days, I try to live in a drama free zone…yet I’m finding myself stuck smack dab in the middle of this bulls-eye….
Unfortunately, yet unapologetically, this boat still only has two seats.  Thankfully, K and I are closer to land now than ever before.

Still on the journey but not lost at sea….

Friendships that never grow old

25 Oct

– 1990 –
Title       /      Artist
1) HOLD ON  / Wilson Phillips
2) IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE / Roxette
3) NOTHING COMPARES 2 U / Sinead O’Connor
4) POISON / Bell Biv Devoe
5) VOGUE  / Madonna

Ohhhh yeah, buddy…”Hold on to one more day” (Wilson Phillips) ….It was 1990 something.     ^ Those were the top singles of the year ^.     I remember singing that song at the top of my lungs…and I can’t hold a tune!  BIG hair  and big earrings were in. Keds and tight rolled jeans….I actually don’t have a ton of memories from this age…which is probably a good thing.

Have you ever had that friendship that no matter where you left off, you can easily pick up?  They know your true heart, before life got complicated with bills, kids, car pools, soccer games, and husbands.  They love you for you, for the memories you created that binds you together like gorilla glue. I am lucky to have been blessed with  two sisters like this.  No, they are not my bio-siblings. But I love them with every ounce of my being. If they needed a kidney, they could call me.  They are my sisters.

seb

*That is me on the left. S was rockin’ the denim look…and blue hair..Don’t let this picture fool you though. She was oh, so cool.*

My friendship with S started before we could speak. Our fathers were friends…and while I can’t say many positive things about either of them, they did kick start this sisterhood.  For that, I tip my hat.  S and I recently met up after nearly 20 years without any communication. Facebook opened the door and we eagerly sprinted through to each others arms. We spent an entire day together; me watching her family play on the beach. I adored every minute of it, trying to capture moments in time on the lens of my camera.  It was incredible and easy….crazy easy. Peaceful….I’m not sure what either of us expected when we setup the date, but the ease of picking right back up as if we never skipped a beat surprised us both.  Obviously, we are both grown with families. Surely we have changed since we last saw each other at 15…but our spirit had not. It was still right there, waiting. She is like a piece of my puzzle that I had been waiting to fill….  I would give her a kidney in a skinny minute.

H and I became friends in 1989/ 1990.  It was my freshman year of high school and I had just moved to Indiana.  She lived in my neighborhood.  We instantly became friends and pretty inseparable until I moved back to SC. We have the kind of friendship that no matter how old I am, I turn back into a teenager when I’m with her.  We giggle and horse around. Oh, don’t get me wrong, she is my sister in every sense of the word.  The kind you poke with a stick, but would beat someone with the same stick if they tried to do the same… With out a doubt though, she is probably the only one on the planet that can transport me back in time…maybe because she knows all my crazy teenager secrets! My kidney is hers, should she ever need it. (But she has to promise to keep her mouth c.l.o.s.e.d!)

heather*I only post these because H just did a TBT on Facebook. These are the only photos I can find, but I know we sat in this photo booth nearly 100 times. Maybe I hid them to protect myself. Who knows?*

I’m not sure where I would be without these women to love me. Our friendships allow each other the grace to be busy raising our kids, married, doing what needs to be done to keep the ship afloat.  Our love has a strong bond.  It is not jealous or demanding.  There is an unspoken, underlining current that ripples through these each of these relationships. It  whispers, if you need me, I will be there. It is in our tone, in our walk, in our hugs….We will drive like a bat from hell to come to the rescue. We will kick ass and take names. We will listen. We will cry. We will pick you up and dust you off. We will be there despite everything that could happen, everything that will happen, the silence and distance…We will be there…and yes,  I will give S & H my kidney if they need it.

I just pray that both of you don’t ask for one….especially at the same time….

Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day

Wilson Phillips

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