The kindness received this week left me feeling humbled, special, loved.
If I’m honest with you, I like to be the giver. I’m comfortable in that roomy over-stuffed arm chair. I believe in the pit of my being that it is our duty to help other people along their journey, in what ever way you can, at any given moment. When I am the giver, I’m empowered to complete this mission.
Random strangers often engage in conversation with me. It happened just yesterday as we were walking from the parking lot into a restaurant for dinner. The lady was older and appeared to have nervous energy. She told me she was there to celebrate her brother’s birthday. With in 30 seconds, she also pointed out that she had some how smeared make up on her navy blue dress, rubbing it feverishly with her thumb. I smiled and said, “Well you still look beautiful.” It was enough for her to return the smile, chuckle a bit, and I believe, stand a tad taller.
My husband is always amazed at what perfect strangers will say to me….Over the years, I’ve come to cherish these exchanges. My curiosity dances and I can’t wait for the conversation to unfold, looking for moments to slip in words of encouragement, for the opportunity to be kind, to help them along today’s journey.
So when I was on the receiving end of kindness this week, I questioned why I felt humbled. Yes, yes, I felt abundantly loved and special. I grinned from ear to ear. However in the stillness, humbled kept rising to the top, knocking on the door of my spirit.
The voices in my head kept saying, “You mean I was important enough for you to think about on your trip? To share your high dollar (and sinfully delicious) French cookies with? To receive a gift from the heart from a man whose eyes danced in the joy in the giving?” Why me? What did I do to deserve such blessings this week?
While giving is a core value, I often hold myself to a double standard when it comes to receiving. I must EARN kindness, must DO something to be liked, to be loved….< Side note to myself – Oh, I have work to do here ! >
In reflection, I realized when you are always the giver, it can feel like a position of power. You see, deep down, whether you’ve acknowledged it or not, you feel you don’t NEED any thing, any one. ….There is a little pride mixed in there.
…Interesting….Because that is not who I want to be.
I’m learning. I’m growing. Leaning into those things that make me uncomfortable, scraping off the dead layers to reveal the new.
Learning to give AND receive.