Tag Archives: friendship

The season of thanks

28 Nov

356b268ae6e657c6e99dd98a7b61ef10

The season of thanks and of giving is so much fun. Having a month that revolves around expressing gratitude is right up my alley. To top it off, it is followed by a month of giving to those I love. I simply couldn’t ask for a better combo.

As I prepare to sit around our table, stuffing my belly, I want to say thank you.

I’m thankful to be an American. I can’t imagine living any where else. I’m thankful for the opportunities that come simply from being born here, rather than in a third world country. I’m tremendously thankful for all those fighting for this country and standing up for freedom. You are my hero.

I’m thankful for my husband, aka bacon maker. I attempted to make my own bacon this morning and burned it. I guess I need to keep him around another 16 years! All kidding aside, he is actually so much more than my bacon maker. He is my biggest supporter, best friend, confidant. I would be lost without him.

I’m thankful for my boys. They have taught me every thing I know…they are in fact, geniuses. (wink, wink) They remind me that I’m not in control as much as I think I am…and yet everything still works out okay… I mean, they still have of their limbs and all… They make me smile from the pit of being. It fills my heart until it spills around my face. I’m a proud momma and I love them more than words.

I’m thankful for family, mine and my husband’s. Where would we be without family? It is where we first learned to love and to be loved. They love us through it ALL!

I’m thankful for my friends. Each unique, you hold a special place in my heart. You make me laugh until my belly hurts, pick me up when I fall, and are honest even when it hurts. Thank you for loving me and for allowing me to be a part of your life.

I’m thankful for my co-workers. I truly work with amazingly smart, talented, people. They make it easy to come to work every day….and enjoy it!

I’m thankful for the unconditional love I receive from my puppies (all 3 of them). I am the pied piper in this house. They follow me from room to room. They make me feel special and loveable, even on my worst days.

Thank you for reading my blog. I know, I know….I’m not a REAL writer but, I love the process… I muddle my way through. Thank you for your notes of encouragement, your ‘likes’, and for your support. It honestly means the world to me. I savor each one.

Above all else, thank you for being you.

It is my prayer that you are blessed and blessed abundantly. That in turn, you are able to be a blessing to others.

Wishing you all a wonderful season of thankfulness and of giving.

thank you

Advertisements

Walking in the darkness

17 Nov

tears

I contemplated writing about my experience last week….not wanting to go there, but desperately wanting to let it out…I created this blog with the intention of quieting the voices in my head. To get the hamster off the wheel….In the end, I decided to go with what my spirit was craving. A release of emotion…so here it goes.

Last week was the absolute hardest week I’ve had to endure to date.  It started Sunday night. My cell rings, I glance down to see it is my best friend, aka sister, H.  I smile, and say “Well hello!”….what I hear back leaves me spinning.

H’s sister, happens to have the same name as I do.  Hope.  She says, “Hope, it’s Hope.”…I feel confusion rush to my face, my eyebrows squish down around my nose…Did I just hear that right?  I glance back at my caller ID….It clearly says, H.  What the hell is going on, I think…Oh please God…please……Don’t let anything happened to H.  My heart races, it is now in my throat as I wait for an answer.  I can feel my throat pulsing…She pauses.  By now I’m sure something is wrong…..I want to scream…tell me damn it!…tell me what is wrong!….Then through her tears I hear her words.

I want to vomit….I want to un-hear….I cry out…”Oh my God….Oh my God….I don’t understand…Oh my God”….My husband overhears my cries. He bounds down the stairs two at time, rushing into the kitchen.  I’m bent over, hand to my head, tears in my eyes…I see him searching my face for answers…I cover the phone  barely able to whisper what I’ve just heard.  He sinks…Slumps against the counter….

My H has lost the love of her life….Her husband, the father of her 4 children, has passed…and the world has stopped.

Every second of what follows is heart wrenching.  I fly to Indiana to be by H’s side; to help fill in the gaps where I can. Yet I’m lost. I don’t know where to start, what to do, what to say….

I.feel.utterly.powerless.

Nothing I say, nothing I can do, will turn back the clock to happier days….I glance around to the family and friends rallied to support H and the children.  She has a full house.  We are strangers, connected only by the love we share for the family….We all have the same look…With tears and mourning in our eyes, we nod with the acceptance that we are all here for the same reason…We tread lightly around each other, carefully acknowledging that we are ill equipped to navigate this bleak road of heartbreak and loss. When our eyes meet, there is unspoken realization that it will take all of us… ALL of our love, to pull them through.

By mid-week, I realized my vocabulary, the English language in general, simply does not have words that can express the sorrow in this house.  H’s sobs are from the pit of her being. They are heavy, deep, uncontrolled. I listen sympathetically. We hug gently. Patting her knee…knowing that we are helpless and hating that we are.  We can only be present…chest deep, wading through the muddy anguish with her and the children.

I want to medicate H and put her in a box for 10 years…only taking her out when the pain has stopped and the coast is clear.  But I know this pain will be part of the healing process….

I know she has to walk through this…and so I offer to hold her hand.

Please keep H’s family in your prayers.

path

**Rest in peace Mark. You were a good husband, awesome daddy and a hard working provider. A genuine man with a broad smile, and a chuckle when you least expected it. I hope when you look down from heaven you see all of the love.  May your angel wings be big, bright and beautiful.  **

Dirty Girl Run

15 Sep

Dirty girl

I am self proclaimed girly girl. I adore things that shimmer and shine, make-up and heels. When I was younger, people would use the term ‘girly girl’ as if it was carried some sort of negative connotation. In their tone, you sensed that being a tom boy made you a stronger, smarter, more desirable woman. In my old age I’ve realized that is simply ridiculous. Women come in all shapes and sizes, all levels of estrogen. One is not worth more or less because of their desire for pretty things, or for that matter, the lack of . Truth be told, there are still women today that use that same tone as they critique my shoes, or clothes or whatever they choose to voice. My response? I laugh, flip my hair and hope my tiara blinds them before I walk away. The only time I think it may be better to be a man is when I have to use the porta potty. Standing could be an asset….

This weekend I had the pleasure of hanging out with a fantastic group of women to play in the mud. HUH? Yep, it was a 5k with 10 obstacles. The goal was to get as muddy as possible and laugh. We met and exceed the goal! When I agreed to do the run I was scared. Scared I wouldn’t be able to complete the course. Scared of what it would entail. Scared of mud in awkward places…In the end I decided to give it a go. What the heck, right?

I’ve reached the age where life is comfortable. The down side is this also comes the risk of becoming stagnant. If I don’t branch out, I’m apt to be stuck in the same comfortable, pink silk lined box that I’m used to. Yes, it is pretty and soft in there. However after a while, even the prettiest of things can become mundane. I’m ready to discover what I can do. I’m putting fear in its place. In a cardboard box of its own, tightly wrapped in duct tape, placing it on a high shelf that can not be easily reached. Win, loose or draw, I’m going for it.

A few months ago, I ran the Color Me Rad 5k run with some of these same ladies. We ran while they pelted us with colored cornstarch. And we laughed….I laughed so much that I had purple teeth at the end. We are now planning our next run and I can’t wait! We didn’t start 2013 with a running goal or a plan to have a running team. Some how it ended up that way. In fact, we are not true runners…At least I’m not. I keep trying but I stink at it. I secretly hope one day I’ll magically wake up a runner. Yet, by the time this year is over, we will have at least 3 organized 5ks under our belt. It is funny how quickly your world can expand, if you are open to change and allow yourself the freedom to try.

color me rad

Reflecting on the weekend, I am simply amazed that I have such wonderful women in my life that are willing shed their comfortable Saturday for a day in the mud. We supported each other, clapped and cheered. We laughed and giggled and whooo-hooo’ed. In a world where people are so critical of each other, (especially women) it was nice to spend the day with those that had no other objective but to have fun.

Feeling blessed!

%d bloggers like this: