Archive | Inspirational RSS feed for this section

Choose Joy

6 Sep

 

Nehemiah 8:10 for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Love the colors, too!

Rain is always cold to the skin, despite the temperature outside. The two do not run tandem.

I’m not sure when I last played in the rain. Yoga in the rain, well that is simply awesome. Wet yoga on a freshly manicured outfield of baseball stadium…well that leaves me thunderstruck.

Our master yogi was young, humorous, pretty, and blond. She set the intention for this class within the first few moments of turning on her mic. Joy. To find joy on this day, in this place. Despite the chance we may find ourselves in a down pour. Our time, our energy was not lost because of our circumstances. We would find joy within the chaos and hopefully utilize this lesson in our every day life. I chuckled…It seemed a bit

dramatic.

At first the sprinkles were intermittent, barely kissing my skin. The sun, when peering through the billows of gray, was hotter than expected. Way hotter, like sear the skin off the bone hot. I realized, while holding downward dog, that I had not adequately prepared for the day. Rain would be a relief.

Looking up to find our instructor on the jumbo tron, my eyes stop on the lady in front of me wearing white pants and possessing a pillow of white hair atop her head. She was in her late sixties, maybe seventies. Fierce. (You have to be fierce to wear WHITE yoga pants!) While in a wide legged forward bend, with superb control and presision, she popped up into a handstand. Take my word for it. That is talent! Of the crowd of eighty or so, only four made the attempt. She was the only one with solid white hair.

The shower increased, making the easiest of poses, more extreme. My arms slipping off my legs. Eyes blinded by the mascara I applied with care earlier. Yet instead of frustration, or the need to compete with the amazing white pants in front of me, I found laughter. Laughter in the awe of the experience. Laughter because I’m well past the conventionally acceptable age to play in the rain. Yet, that was EXACTLY what I was doing.

Eventually, the sky opened up, claiming the day, causing our class to end ten minutes early. There was no use running to my car. Every inch of my body was already soaked. I tossed my flip flops and walked back barefoot avoiding rocks, openly laughing, squealing loudly as the rain picked up force.

I had no idea upon leaving my house this morning that I would find pure joy in the most obscure way. It wasn’t part of my expectation.

It shows that you can never predict where you will learn your next life lesson. You can only be open to the opportunity.

Mine?

You are never to old to play in the rain…to do yoga…on the outfield of a baseball stadium.

Be unconventional.

Learning to let the world around me to be whatever it needs to be: chaotic, rumbling, boisterous, wet….Somehow finding my inner peace, calmness and humor in the mist of it all. The outside can not influence the inside…unless I allow it.

Liberating.

Listen to me

30 Aug

“Does Anybody Hear Her” –  Lyrics by Casting Crowns

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction ….

So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She’s another two years older
And she’s three more steps behind

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEhRucEVzH8 (For the full video)

Every single time I hear those lyrics my heart aches, a punch in the gut, my head falls to my chest. It is all to familiar.

At a luncheon last week, someone asked what advice would I give to my 16 year old self, if I could.

Since I was already pregnant at 16…my first thought was to SCREAM: DON’T DO IT!!! However, while my choice certainly altered my path, the sum of my life is much bigger than that one moment.

When I stand on a cliff, look down and flip back through my days, a theme jumps out of the monotony. Hindsight is always 20/20. . Rush, rush, rush….always in a hurry … to grow up, to hit the next mile stone…to get married…to buy a house.. to get to the next big thing…..

“Running a hundred miles per hour “

Now that I am in the last year of my 30’s I realize how silly that appears. WHAT was/is my hurry? Never satisfied I jumped from one thing to the next, thinking that would bring the satisfaction I hoped for. As a recovering perfectionist, I now know that never allowed myself to savor any accomplishment….Almost instantaneously, my thoughts would turn on me… I could have always done it better, smarter, faster…the list never ends and it was on constant replay. I was my own worst enemy.  Smiling on the outside, waging war on the inside.

So what would I tell my sixteen year old self?

To slow the hell down.

There is plenty of time for you, dear girl. Your focus should be to get it right instead of just getting it done. Enjoy where you are. Keep the negativity at bay and the rest will fall into place. It is easier than it seems.  Life doesn’t have to be so hard for it to be right.

Thankfully, one of the benefits of gray hair and fine lines is that it also comes with wisdom. This discernment is not lost on me. I am abundantly thankful to be able to reflect and review, possessing the ability and desire to refine.

Conscious that my time on this planet is more limited than before, it is my hope that my next thirty-nine years will be slower, more intentional. Don’t get me wrong. I honestly don’t have regrets. I truly love my life.  Even in the chaos, I quite like who I am, realizing it is culmination of all of my experiences. I only plan to use what I’ve learned to create the best possible, most fulfilling, future.

To make the most of ALL my days.

I am not who I was.

I am a work in progress.

I sincerely enjoy the process.

<
IMG_0937.PNG

Values

12 Aug

   image

Most people would readily say, “Yes, of course, I have values!”

If pressed to explain how you experience those core beliefs, well that is a bit more complicated.

Defining the shape of your values is said to provide harmony between your mind, body, and spirit.  The idea is, the more you align your choices with your moral compass,  the happier and more satisfied you will become.

Happier? More Satisfied?  Yes, Please! Where do I sign up?

 

VALUE – noun

1) the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.

2)a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.

 

photo (5)

I’m very verbal. I communicate with ease. Yet, I found this process extremely laborious….What pained me the most is that I didn’t know why. Presented with a laundry list of key words to  get my juices flowing and construct my top six, I froze.

Deer in the headlights.

 My eyes skimmed over the pages, looking for a word to snag, as if fishing in one of those stocked fish farms. All of the words gasping at the surface for an opportunity to be chosen. If they didn’t leap out at me, why? Shouldn’t they be important too?  Pressure….

I started this assignment…several times…without headway…

Why was this so difficult.  Of course I have morals and ethics, right???

Diving deeper, I wondered what it meant to “experience values”? Was I allowing my moral compass to direct and organize my life?   Or, was it residing in a dusty file cabinet, under the dim flickering lights of a back room  that I only visited when in dire straits?….I knew they were there…but how often was I pulling them out to review? I thought I was living out loud, but maybe I wasn’t….Ah-haaaa….

Abandoning the official list,  I allowed my heart to take the lead to illustrate and craft what this all means to me.

Her voice is ALWAYS the one that speaks the loudest.

The truth is, I realized there were times that I was ALL in and others, that I simply wasn’t.  If the goal is to utilize your core beliefs in every decision, I should consult with her more often.  Investing in this relationship is imperative.  Her voice can’t be submerged by the day to day hustle and bustle, but so engrained that it rolls off my tongue with ease.

She holds the key to more happiness and satisfaction.

She is kind of a big deal.

image

At the end of this project my list consisted of :

Balance, Family, Growth, Faith, Happiness, Kindness.

I am a work in progress.

Birthday Roundup

10 Aug

Simple. Effortless. Perfect.

Defining this birthday weekend is easy.  It isn’t often that I get a WHOLE weekend to call my own.  Taking my time, letting moments simmer, refilling my spirit until it bubbled over with peace and happiness.

This was my plan.

It started with lunch on Friday with my some of my favorite co-workers. A place where “food is love”. I’m grateful to work with such genuine, kind souls.

Dinner with my two boys followed while their dad worked an odd shift. Thankfully he only works this shift every now and again.  I’m not complaining though,  I had the boys all to myself in a corner booth. Only another mother can fully understand the joy that leaps from your spirit when a child that has moved into his own space, graces you with his presence.  To have both of your children within arms reach, puts the rhythm of your heart back in sync.

To wrap up Friday, an evening  visit with the Princess. The prettiest little thing you ever did see. Rocking her to sleep, hearing her breathe  in and out…there are no words to describe how perfect this is. catalina 810

Saturday brought my 12 year old’s specialty – boiled eggs accompanied by my hubby’s  (A.K.A. Bacon Maker) -crispy strips of bacon. I gobbled them down with a smile.

Food

  Birthday morning snuggles.  Even though we have a very large sectional, both puppies and my youngest prefer to be on the same square I’m sitting on…that would be my left arm in the pink robe.

 They love their momma.

pups

Reading  love notes on my couch from my Facebook friends and family inspired me.  You all know sure know how to make a lady feel special!

I couldn’t think of a better day to give a donation.

blood

Give Blood. Give Life.

Recouping with a seafood dinner later that evening with my boys – youngest and the bacon maker, in a beautiful location….with  bloody marys

(I guess I kept the theme going!)

blood mary's. might be nice to have mini mimosas and blood mary's for morning folks. doubt many would drink them, but it might be nice to offer.

Ending a fantastic weekend with another visit with the Princess.

My tummy and heart are full.  My shoe fund received a few deposits.

I’m a happy girl.

Life is good.

Hoping  this last year in my 30’s is as easy, simple and perfect as this weekend.

Live for the moment... I believe in this. hope you had a wonderful day..?

Letter to Ashley

12 Jul

Dear sweet beautiful Ashley,

I saw it in your big brown eyes. Heard it in the tremble of your voice.  The residual pain lingered on the surface  from when someone unknowingly spewed judgement over your life.  Those words that insinuated that your choices didn’t line up with their view.  At that moment the world stopped for me. The air evaporated from the room. My stomach twisted and was tense…I didn’t respond the way I wanted to.  I have a hard time processing hate on the fly.

It has been on my heart and on my mind ever since.

I don’t want ANY young lady, who chooses to give life, to feel like she doesn’t live up to some invisible standard. Especially one whom I adore and love.

I believe with all my heart that God blesses those who make hard choices that line up with his word.  I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.

When I look back at all those people who insisted they were doing it “right”, I shake my head.  I wouldn’t want their shoes for anything in the world.

I’ve watched you with the princess.  You are going to be amazing at this mom thing!  Don’t let anyone tarnish your sparkle.  Shut out that judgmental nonsense.  “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do”  – Job 23:10.

You have so much love to give.  I promise you,  God doesn’t make mistakes!

With all my heart I shout to the world that we are so proud of you! I pray abundant blessings over your life.  I can’t wait to watch you grow and watch God work in your life.

Good things are coming! Hold on tight! This is going to be a beautiful bumpy road.

He Knows Where I'm Going - Job 23:10 - Bible Verse - Blank Notecard - Encouragement - Graduation - Blank Inside - Gold. $4.00, via Etsy.

Two Steen Geniuses

13 Jul

Image

Who would have thought that I could have give birth to not one, but TWO  Geniuses? What are the odds?  By the age of 3 1/2, both of my children managed to cram all the knowledge of the universe into their tiny little heads.  How do I know this? Because every time I tell them something, their response is “I know”.   So there you have it. They are geniuses. My role as a mom, life councilor, rule provider and enforcer is no longer needed.  I can go on mom vacation now and just enjoy endless days of not having to worry about my know it all kids, because in fact, they know it ALL.

My younger son, T, will argue the bark of a tree.  With all his knowledge, he is very good at it. Quite often he ‘wins’ from shear exhaustion of his opponent (me).  He has road maps in his head for every location in the United States and will tell you when you are going the wrong direction. The amazing part of this, is many times he has never traveled these roads….but he KNOWS you are wrong.  And for the rest of the car ride, no matter how long, will try to convince you of your mistake. He also KNOWS all of the house rules, although he doesn’t always follow them, for reasons I don’t understand. He KNOWS that his dirty laundry doesn’t go on the floor and KNOWS where the laundry basket is, yet he doesn’t put them there. Maybe it is some sort of genius trick I haven’t figured out how to decode. I wonder if there is a genius mom hotline?  Someone that I can talk to that understands the level of genius of my children.

My older son S, is now 21.  Oh boy is he smart. I can’t remember a conversation with him in the last 18 years that didn’t end with “I know, mom”.   He is now living on his own and doing very well. We are tremendously proud of him.  He KNOWS to get his oil changed in his car. Although, I don’t think he has done it in the last 6 months…but I’m sure he KNOWS how to fix it should something happen.  He just told us this week that he quit his production job to work in a sales.  He started last week selling alarm systems door to door.  He KNOWS that it will be difficult and he KNOWS that sales is not always steady income….I’m sure he KNOWS that he needs to save his money for any short fall…I’m so happy that he has the self confidence to step out and try something new.  I work with some very talented and successful sales representatives.  I would pass on some sales tidbits to Shawn, but he already KNOWS everything.  It seems he was created for this job.  The thing I KNOW about Shawn is that when he puts his mind to something, he is able to achieve anything.  I told him  as much and he responded, “I KNOW, mom.”

I’m thinking about starting a club for moms that have genius children. There has to more of of you out there than just me. I mean, I had two which seems to be against all odds. Maybe we could have t-shirts made to show our solidarity.  Something that says, “Wanna know the details of the universe? Ask my kid. He KNOWS it ALL.”